And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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