I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
