You're so nebulous sometimes
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Randomize
