I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
