he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
