final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
