Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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