I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
