Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I need to stop coming to work sober
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize