My sheets look like a crime scene.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
