I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
