Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
