I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
