where am i from again
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
