So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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