we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
