I'm pants shitting drunk right now
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
