I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
