I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
