My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
