I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
