My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
