I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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