I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
