Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize