I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
