This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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