Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
