"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Randomize
