This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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