Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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