I want to make a zoo with you.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize