Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize