I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
