I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
