The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
