i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
