your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
