she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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