saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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