is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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