I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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