He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
