I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
