I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
