Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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