Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Randomize
