when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
