He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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