He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
