Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
