have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize