The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
