Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
