:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I think I won the penis lottery.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Randomize
