with your own penis?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
