Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
