He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
