I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
