I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
He told me they were just razor bumps!
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize