That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
