I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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