Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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