remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
